Funny lines. Comebacks to questions. I am looking for stuff you've heard from friends, co-workers, and people along those lines. Please don't post something a comedian said in a routine.
Here is one: When I was in the Navy and going through nuclear power school, one of my classmates was a former jockey. He looked it, being short and of small stature. So he gets called to the front of class one day and the instructor asks him to do a calculation, but to first tell the class a little bit about himself. So the guy goes "well, I was a jockey and rode race horses." The instructor replied "so, did you win any races?" The student shot back with "why do you think I am in the Navy?"
Funny lines. Comebacks to questions. I am looking for stuff you've heard from friends, co-workers, and people along those lines. Please don't post something a comedian said in a routine.
Here is one: When I was in the Navy and going through nuclear power school, one of my classmates was a former jockey. He looked it, being short and of small stature. So he gets called to the front of class one day and the instructor asks him to do a calculation, but to first tell the class a little bit about himself. So the guy goes "well, I was a jockey and rode race horses." The instructor replied "so, did you win any races?" The student shot back with "why do you think I am in the Navy?"
My sister has two adopted children just a few months apart in age, both now grown. When they were toddlers they got curious as kids do and Blake, the little boy started asking why he and Jessica were different? He'd noticed but wanted details. She had a very frank discussion with him about anatomy and simply said he had some things Jessica didn't have, and she had some things he didn't have. That satisfied his curiosity and the subject was dropped, to her relief. Later the same day while holding his hand at the grocery store he turned around in line to the man behind him and asked "Do you have a <you know what>?" The man, startled said "um, yes I do", to which Blake pointed at him and said "Mom, he's a boy!" Red faced and without turning around, she paid for the groceries and left quickly.
One more. My dad was a KY state trooper when I was born. One of his favorites was an elderly black man, this was in the early 60s in Eastern KY for perspective. This gentleman had wittnessed a violent crime at night at a distance. He was the only wittness and at trial the defense atty felt he could dis-credit the old mans testimony and get his client an aquital. There was heavy predjudice in that area at the time and the att'y had some choice words that he didn't whisper before trial about this witness. My dad was the arresting officer and felt bad for the old man having to endure the trial and wondered if they'd be able to get this scum bag off the street.
The defense atty started by asking the age of the wittness and questioning at his age if his eyes were possibly less than up to identifying his client. The old man said, my eyes are fine. Then he was asked what time of night and his distance from the crime. The old gentleman explaind that it was very dark but even at the great distance it ocurred he could see clearly as the there was a street light overhead.
The atty then in a very demeaning tone said. "Do you expect this jury to believe that you, after dark, at nearly half a football field away could without any doubt say for certain that this man committed this crime?" He said, yes sir I can. Then would you explain how you have the ability to see something so far away at night claerly?!?!
Well sir, I sit on my porch every night and can see the moon clearly and it's a good deal farther away than that young man sitting beside you who beat and stabbed the woman at that other table.
I was working at a Savings & Loan back in the 80's and when we became de-regulated, we were able to offer checking accounts. We offered "free checking" to entice new customers to come to us from the banks, and so an elderly man came to me to open a new account. After securing all of the required information to open the account, I politely asked the gentleman how much money he was depositing to his new account. Without any hesitation, he told me "Money? I don't have any money. I thought you said it was free?" Wow ~ I didn't know what to say!
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