10 Things to Make My Brilliance Cruise the Best Ever

[SailorJack]

NOTE: In the interest of full disclosure, cruise purists will find no redeeming social value in this post so I urge you to close the post and move on.

That said, I am two weeks away from a two-week cruise on the Brilliance in which we are at sea for five consecutive days before making our first landfall. Facing the stress of five days in a small room with SailorJill, I have compiled a wish list of the ten things that could make this my best cruise.

In no particular order:

1.A note from my mommy that would excuse me from lifeboat drill.

2.Two doors in my cabin, with one opening directly into the dinning room and the other directly onto the sundeck/pool area. (I think requesting a third door opening into the Schooner Bar would probably be unrealistic and a little presumptuous.)

3.A mutation in the Norwalk virus so that it would only infect people in bars and would instantly sober them up before they could actually make it up to the Karaoke machine.

4.A “Beam me up Scotty” machine that would instantly transport me from my balcony stateroom (from which I did not fall) to the airport departure gate.

5.Designer sunglasses that would block both the harmful UV rays and the harmful images of men in bikini Speedos.

6.A shore excursion to the Playboy Mansion (preferably during the annual Pajama Party.)

7.Entertainers that would tell jokes that were not first used on the Jack Benny show.

8.Peabody’s “Way Back” machine that would allow me to go back and repeat a really good day.

9.And, taking a cue from the Olive Garden; the Bottomless Tender- a Tender that would expand to hold all the people wanting to go ashore in a single trip.

10.A really good handbook on how to make a still. A thorough reading of RCI’s liquor policy states that you cannot bring liquor on board. Apparently, however, it does not prevent you from actually making it once on the ship. And as, to the best of my knowledge, the brewing process does not require either a coffee maker or an iron, bringing the components on board should not be in violation of any RCI policy.

[carlg]

Now thats good stuff Sailorjack!! Bravo!!

[BirdLady]

I'm geting ready to go on my first cruise (ever) in May. Would your mommy write me a note to get out of the LifeBoat Drill too?

Thanx,
Erika

[papae]

Very good Jack, I enjoyed your wish list
Peabody's way back....Playboy mansions & Jack Benny.....well now I know we're about the same age.Have a great cruise!
Too bad Scotty's already been beamed up

[SailorJack]

Carlq, thanks. Birdlady, if the note works on my April cruise I'll let you know. Papae, actually, I, uh, read about Jack Benny...yea, thats the ticket - I read about it. I wasn't sure if anybody remembered Mr. Peabody. Glad you enjoyed the list...feel free to add to the wish list.

[carlg]

Here is one to add. How about no-slip balcony decks, to keep all those people from "falling" overboard...... or better yet, just tether them to a bungie so they don't hit the water.

[SailorJack]

Carl, no-slip decks would be a definite plus, but I actually think you may be on to something Big with the Bungee thing!

Ships have nearly everything now - climbing walls, surfing, ice rinks, bowling alleys, and line dancing to country music (tried that once...my IQ went down 3 points - which I can't afford.)

BUT NO BUNGEE JUMPING. This is a real crowd pleaser and would sure to prove an entertainment highlight.

Jumping off the balcony probably is not an option, but there is a ready made place on nearly every ship - the flying bridge.... that part of the bridge that sticks out over the water.... that would fit the bill perfectly.

I don't want to get too excited here, but I think you may have inadvertently stumbled across a real money making opportunity.

They could advertise it as taking a Flying Leap off the Flying Bridge and charge $20 to do it and $5 to watch it(with a 15% added gratuity).

And the variations are endless. For example, they could lengthen the cord by twenty or thirty feet and sell it as a pearl diving opportunity - or better yet - swimming with the dolphins. They could get $50 or better with that one and the Casino could even get involved with bets on how long the jumper can stay under before the cord pulls them back onto the ship.

Can you patent or trademark this concept?